We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
