new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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