So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
