There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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