I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
