Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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