question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
