I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
