please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
