i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
