seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
