Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
