Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize