I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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