haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
