I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize