I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
