My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I faked an abortion last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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