You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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