Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
