well I can't set my house on fire every night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
