Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize