White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
