Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
