perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
