i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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