Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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