I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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