So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize