I think my vagina is haunted
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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