Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
