Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
