it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
