So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
