Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
