You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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