lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
