I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
