Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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