Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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