Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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