wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Randomize
