you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
