If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
so much tequila, so little girl.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
