Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
