is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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