its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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