A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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