I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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