Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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