talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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