I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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