she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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