I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
