You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
