Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
