I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
