she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
someone threw a dead crab at me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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