so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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