The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
