problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
