Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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