The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
