It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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