Umm I'm too high to move.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
