Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
