Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
