I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
