it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
