On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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