Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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