I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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