Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You smell like stripper and shame
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
