hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
