I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
