I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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